You Can't Plan Growth

October 11, 2018

I remember when I was first going through my divorce and thought I could just sit and meditate on my days off and push myself right through the healing process. I had all these "tools" and all this "knowledge" and I desperately wanted to apply all of it to create the fastest, cleanest healing process possible. It just doesn't work like that. It actually slowed me down substantially.

We can’t plan growth. We can't force letting go, forgiveness, moving forward, moving on. We cannot meditate our lessons away. We cannot sweat it away. We cannot eat or starve it away (physically). It’s a practice and although there are incredible people like Dr. Joe Dispenza studying the very real, positive impact of visualizing new responses and thought patterns, there is still always going to be the part that has to happen real time. There will always be the part where you are face to face with the "thing" and you have to make a choice to keep moving forward, or spiral back into your default pattern or resistance. You can read, you can meditate, you can visualize. You can sweat, you can chant you can use energy healing or crystals and oils(I use and love them all) but at the end of the day, you still have to have the guts to stay committed to and honest with yourself when you are face to face with that thing, however many times you have to face it.

Just because something keeps coming up, doesn't mean you've failed or that you have to go learn more about how to let it go. You haven't failed and no book or podcast or healer, knows exactly what you need. Often times adding more knowledge can keep you from hearing the only one who really knows and that's you: your heart, your gut, your intuition. Don't get me wrong, I literally use all of these tools! But what I realize now is that they are tools. They are not the cure and they can't do the real time work for me. I have more often used them as bandaids so I wouldn't have to do what felt like the "harder stuff."

You want to know how to heal, forgive, let go, stop judging, start fresh, connect, fall in love, be loved, etc.? The moment you notice you are face to face with your thing(current issue, resistance, etc), take a deep breath and say "Ok, this is the thing. I see you, I hear you, I am not afraid of you because we've been here before." Then here's what's next, move on with your day. Seriously, I mean that. If it comes back up, meet it again the same way and don't get pissed-"what you resist persists"(said by everyone wise), so be patient and kind even if you don't want to be. I'm not saying there isn't a time to journal or to put the question out to the Universe(or therapist or energy healer) as to why this thing keeps coming back to you but what I am really present to is that the real answer never comes when we sit and wait for it. Something like "a watched pot never boils."

I notice the answers come when I am living my life. Yes, maybe inspiration comes during a podcast or a good book or after a meditation, but it's never planned and I can't sit and hope for it. The harder I try, the more it eludes me. Whatever answer or remedy you need will come when you stop focusing so much on the "how" or on your "knowledge" and just live; Live the best that you can that day. Take action that inspires you in general without any expectations for what the rewards will be. Release your judgement about what you're learning and how hard the lesson feels. When you stop trying so damn hard to 'fix' yourself or your "problems" and just live, the answer you need will hit you like a ton of bricks or the sensitivity to the thing will simply start to dissipate - for real. If there is an answer to be heard, it will be clear, concise and will need no explanation. You won't miss it. Believe that and seriously, you'll never miss it.

I do not say any of this from a pedestal or a soap box. I am in this too. I still have the moments where I think, "Aw, shit, this thing again?! I thought we already did this...ok, I see you, I hear you and I'm not afraid of you." Depending on the situation yes, I might then take some deep breaths, journal, or use my lavender oil. But I do that because those actions inspire me to walk forward, not because I think they are going to cure me or that they hold some secret that I wouldn't otherwise have access to.

It's all you-that's the magic and the challenge, but at the end of the day, how empowering is it to know that your happiness & your growth are actually in your hands?!

To have a life that is FULL, you must live, feel and love FULL on.